


rotten and paralysed in a tropical paradise

by Youhavetolikebooksifpeopledontlikeyou



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, JJ (Outer Banks) Needs a Hug, Luke Maybank Being an Asshole, Luke Maybank's A+ Parenting, Maybank Family, Pogues, Police is bad in here, Racism, Suicide, The Cut, a lot of angst guys, bad deputy shoupe, more tags will be added, police dont give a f about JJ, really bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:26:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youhavetolikebooksifpeopledontlikeyou/pseuds/Youhavetolikebooksifpeopledontlikeyou
Summary: See, their “morals”, their “code”... it’s a bad joke, dropped at the first sign of trouble.They’re only as good as the world allows them to be.I’ll show you.When the chips are down, these, ah, “civilised people”?They’ll eat each other.-Every time police failed JJ.
Comments: 46
Kudos: 163





	1. do you trust Peterkin?

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DON’T SKIP (cause I don’t want any complaints in the comment section):
> 
> First and foremost, this story is violent and graphic. I mean it, really. If it could disturb you in ANY WAY pls don’t read it. I will NOT put any kind of “signal” o “advertisements” before the graphics scene, mostly because is a all kinda graphic and angst, so pls guys stay safe.
> 
> Secondly, please everyone applause and throw bouquets of flowers at the *put here every positive adjective your mind can think of* NoheaAloha, who help me with this story ❤️  
> Guys go and read her stories pls, 'cause they are on an other level I swear! U will love them, I promise 😍
> 
> See u at the end.

_“Do you trust Peterkin?”_

_But JJ knows the answer before John B even tells him._

_Because he has known him for so long and knows how he thinks._

_(How he thinks he has everything under control. That everything is gonna be fine.)_

_He knows what he's been through in the past and he knows he has no reason not to trust the Sheriff._

_(In fact, JB tends to trust a lot of people that he shouldn’t.)_

_Maybank, on the other hand, would have more than one valid reason to expose in order to dissuade him from that stupid idea._

_But he says nothing, because he knows that nothing could convince his friend._

_JJ, however, knows that the sheriff doesn't care at all about John B and that he won't think twice about betraying him in his time of need._

-

"Why are you limping, JJ?"

(Oh, ‘cause my dad kept kicking me even when I was down.)

"And _oh my God_ sweetie, how did you get this bad cut on your cheek?"

(‘Cause my dad threw a bottle at me.)

JJ likes the touch of Ms. Rose’s hand on his cheek.

It reminds him of his mother when she was still with him.

( _But don't worry, Mom promised him she would come back to get him.)_

_(And he's waiting for her.)_

_(Even though it's been two years since she left him._ )

"I fell, Ms. Rose. I was-"

He is about to tell her an exciting story, _completely made up,_ full of irrelevant details and boring digressions to make her lose her desire to listen to him, but JJ is interrupted by the teacher before he can even begin.

"How's your dad, JJ?"

He hates when they ask him about his father. Especially when Ms. Rose does it, because JJ hates having to tell her lies.

But if he doesn't, they'll take him away from the Outer Banks and send him to a bad place with the other bad kids. His dad told him.

_(Unless Mom comes back, JJ thinks.)_

_(He’s waiting. She will.)_

"He's fine, Ms. Rose." and he adds a smile, in order to try to be more convincing. Even though he feels like he’s failing.

Because her eyes seem to be able to pierce his mind and see beyond that fog of lies and made up stories.

(Until you get to the horrors that hide behind.)

(Behind those big blue eyes that look so much like his mother's.)

_(Luke always says that. Although when it comes out of his lips it doesn't seem like a compliment at all.)_

"Is he working? Do you mind if I call him?"

No, JJ's dad lost his job about a week ago.

They caught him stealing mechanical parts to resell them on the illegal market.

But JJ’s too young to understand it, he’s only eight.

All the boy understands is that his father would be home all day now.

That he would have to go to John B or The Wreck to see if he could steal some of the leftover food.

That Luke was in a bad mood, so you better stay away from him.

Better keep your eyes on the ground and nod to whatever he says.

(And that it was all his fault that his father lost his job. That's why Luke had beaten him last night.)

_(It wasn't clear to JJ how it was his fault, but he didn't ask.)_

_(Maybe one day Mom can explain it to him. Why is it always his fault?)_

“Of course he's working. And you shouldn't call him, Ms. Rose, because he doesn't like being disturbed at work. No, no. It's definitely better if you don't call him. But if you want I can-"

"What does your dad do for work, JJ?"

And damn it, JJ should have answered quicker, because obviously he knew what his dad’s job is ( _was_ ), but he's _stupid_ and his mind can't focus on the same thing for more than two minutes.

So now JJ is thinking about how and where to find a decent dinner for tonight and there is a minute of silence that Ms. Rose misinterprets and it’s already too late by now, when he sees that she’s heading for the phone.

“No, _no_. Please. Don't call my father. _Please_."

"Why not?"

And JJ knows that's one of those trick questions grown-ups ask.

His father does it all the time.

_(If he gets the answer wrong, Luke goes crazy and he always ends up on the ground with his arms covering his head.)_

Except that JJ doesn't know what answer Ms. Rose wants to hear and his heart begins to beat faster and his breaths become shorter.

"Just... don't do it, okay? _Please_."

The boy sees that she doesn’t believe him as she begins to dial the number.

_"Do you trust Sheriff Peterkin, JJ?"_

But the question falls on deaf ears because at that point JJ's head begins to spin a little and his vision becomes blurred.

(Because his father has been beating him until he couldn’t walk away himself and if Ms. Rose really makes him come into school, Luke will kill him for real.)

But Ms. Rose isn't calling his father.

He knows this because whoever it is picks up on the second ring and Luke wouldn't pick up that fast even if it was the man who sells him all those little orange bottles calling him.

“Sheriff Peterkin is going to pick you up and take you to the station to ask you some questions. Okay, JJ? "

"What? No, why?"

_"Do you trust Sheriff Peterkin, JJ?"_

The child is confused, but not confused enough not to understand what a big fucking mess is about to be made.

He heard his father yell at the police enough times to know they were on the bad side.

JJ thought that Ms. Rose was on the same side as him, the good side, but now he's starting to change his mind.

-

It doesn't take long for the sheriff to arrive. She is a woman the child has often seen talking to his dad and dad's friends.

He doesn't trust her, but he doesn't know why.

(Perhaps hearing Luke comment with his friends about how he would gladly put his cock down her throat until he chokes her seemed a good enough signal to classify her as “ _someone his dad doesn’t like_ ”.)

(And while JJ doesn’t really understand the first part, the fact that his dad wants to choke her means it’s better to stay away from her.)

(Luke always tries to choke JJ.)

(And JJ heard a mom tell her son to stay away from Luke Maybank's son once.)

_(So it all came together.)_

_(Even though Mom always told him he was a good boy.)_

The sheriff exchanges a few words with Ms. Rose, but JJ doesn't understand anything that’s going on. His mind sweeps away from the moment and where they are and stops in a limbo halfway between fantasy and the future reality of facts.

(The fantasy of what would have happened if his mother were still there with him.)

(And the reality of what's going to happen as soon as his dad learns about all of this.)

_(But don't worry, because his mom said she will come back for him. And he is waiting for her.)_

_(Please come back for me.)_

The sheriff takes him by the hand and takes him to the police car.

JJ does not like the police car and is reluctant to get in because he once saw his uncle get into the same kind of car and didn’t see him again for a year.

And he didn't want to disappear like his uncle.

(Or maybe yes, because in the end he gets into the front seat without making a sound.)

_(If he disappeared it would make his father happy. And he wants to make his father happy.)_

Then the sheriff begins to drive, and the boy leans his forehead against the window trying not to cry.

When Luke finds out all this, he'll kill him. He’s sure of it.

_"Do you trust me, JJ?"_

No.

But he doesn’t say it.

And the child presses his forehead even more against the window because the only thing he would really want to do is look in the sheriff’s eyes and tell her that it’s useless for them to keep asking him that stupid question because he doesn’t have a valid answer to give.

Because any answer he would give wouldn’t be valid.

Because the only people he ever really trusted were his mother and father, and they both betrayed him.

(And John B maybe, but he doesn’t know it yet. _He doesn’t know him yet_.)

So he doesn't answer, and they let that question fall for the umpteenth time.

“Look JJ, I have to ask you something. And you must promise me that you’ll answer me honestly. Do you promise me?"

And JJ would really like to be honest, because he's not stupid like his dad always tells him and he knows what the sheriff is going to ask him.

He also knows, though, that if he answers truthfully, they'll take him to that ugly place his dad told him about.

( _Mom, please._ )

So he crosses his fingers behind his back.

"I promise."

"Has your dad ever _behaved a little badly_ towards you?"

"No."

(Pathetic. “ _Behaved a little badly_ ”? Go fuck yourself.)

“I'm going to check in tomorrow to make sure you're okay, alright? If you’re not, I will have people come to your house to take you somewhere else. To a place where you will be safe. Okay? Do you hear me? _I promise you. If you need help, I’m going to help you. No matter what._ "

But JJ doesn't answer, because now he’s standing in front of his house and all his mind can register is his father's eyes fixed on his and the police car.

(His father hates when the police show up in front of his house.)

(And JJ knows he's going to die.)

( _Mom please come and get me. I'm waiting for you. Why don't you come?_ )

-

The next day the sheriff shows up at his house and Luke shuts the door in her face almost immediately. 

( _Almost_ , because Peterkin has time to see a blond boy huddled on the ground, with a fresh tear running down his purplish cheek.)

-

Three days pass and JJ hasn’t returned to school. He can walk better, but he certainly cannot show up to Ms. Rose’s class with a black eye.

On the fourth day, Social Services knock on his door and JJ knows that it was Ms. Rose who made the report.

(Which is why JJ doesn't know whether to hate her or not.)

They enter his house, talk to Luke and then talk to him. They make him draw things and ask him questions about his mother and his bruises.

( _He tells them she’s coming back soon. That’s the only thing he doesn’t lie about_.)

The boy gives them an endless series of bullshit and they don't seem to mind believing him, even though only a fool would trust the words of a bruised eight year old who tells you he's very clumsy.

They’re lazy and bored and JJ knows they don't give a fuck about what's going on in those four rotten walls and that they just want to get out and back to the Mainland.

They look around, inspect the house and open the fridge and shelves but he knows they aren't looking for evidence of abuse, because nothing they’ll find ( _or won't find_ ) will change his situation.

The truth is (JJ can see it in the tired, listless eyes of these people) that even if they find a bloodstained knife, it wouldn't be enough to make them fill out a single sheet or waste an hour of their time.

-

" _Do you trust me, John?_ " asks the woman from Social Services, who insists on calling him John even though he has repeated at least four times that everyone calls him JJ.

"Yes, ma’am. Of course."

But he’s not convincing enough and the woman reads how distrustful he is.

" _Do you trust Sheriff Peterkin?_ "

And he almost wants to burst out laughing in her face because how the fuck could he ever trust the woman who had left him, four days ago, in his father’s hands.

Luke had fire burning in his eyes that day and had dragged him into the house by the hair. A second after he closed the door he had started yelling at him and destroying anything in his way.

(Including JJ.)

And she saw it. JJ knows that Sheriff fucking Peterkin saw it.

He would never trust the woman who had seen him curled up on the ground and had turned her head without caring about the horrors that would happen once the door was closed.

(She had closed her eyes and that was fine.)

And the boy was furious with the woman for it.

_JJ doesn't trust Peterkin, because she betrayed him a long time ago._


	2. you know where I’m from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: suicide and racism (and all the other as always)  
> I DO NOT CONDONE anything that comes out of Shoupe mouth. 
> 
> Second chapter is here guys.  
> As always, let’s say “THANK YOU NOHEA ALOHA” and pls go and read her stories, you’ll not regret it.

_"You know where I'm from."_

_And it’s as if JJ saw years and years of hatred and annoyance for him pass in the Deputy’s eyes in the blink of an eye.._

_And he knows Shoupe will take JJ's word without blinking an eye. Because like father, like son, right? Because he comes from the Cut. Because he's a Pogue._

_Because Shoupe’s still more inclined to arrest a Maybank than Pope, even though Pope is black and that’s usually a valid reason per se._

_(Because he finds some sadistic satisfaction in intimidating the boy. In showing him who really is in charge.)_

_"Yeah, I know."_

_Yeah, he knows._

-

It’s a midsummer night when the police break down the Maybank door to arrest Luke.

JJ doesn't even see it.

He’s at the Chateau, curled up on the couch with his head resting on John B's legs. The TV is on in the background and his fingers are in the other's blond hair.

( _The scent of salt and sea_ and home _on JB's skin lightens JJ's mind more than weed_.)

But that aura of peace is interrupted by the insistent knock on the door.

Both boys jump to their feet, looking into each other's eyes with a worried expression. It was unusual for them that good news follows normal events like " _someone knocking on the door_ ".

“Deputy Shoupe! Open the door John B, I need to speak to Maybank." screams the man, from outside.

From inside, neither of them move.

It could be said, even if it would be a complete understatement, that JJ and Shoupe don't have a good relationship.

( _Neither of them helped develop it in any positive way_.)

So John B’s reluctant to let the Deputy into the Chateau. His mind begins to probe all possible future scenarios and in none of those JJ comes out well.

Starting with the idea that Shoupe is there to bring the blond back home.

( _It wouldn't be the first time Luke has asked the police to bring his son back to his owner._ )

Ending with the not-so-distant possibility that the man might see the beers left around the house and the little bag of weed resting on the coffee table in the living room.

"JB, if you open the door we're both finished." but he doesn't say it with worry in his voice. The blond is calm and lies back down on the couch.

The weed must have had an effect.

"Open up kid, or send the other one out. His good-for-nothing father has been arrested. I have to take him to his uncle." concludes the man, unable to suppress a laugh.

And in the same moment that John B wonders what could possibly be so funny about it, JJ jumps off the couch and rushes to the window on the opposite side of the house.

"Christ JJ, what the fuck are you doing?" the boy whispers, trying to grab the other by his shirt to prevent him from escaping.

“Bro, let me go! If they send me to my uncle... shit. Fuck it. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” he swears under his breath, before turning around and facing his friend. “That dude is not like my father. That man’ll _kill me for real_ , John B. "

And JB just has time to see him disappear into the dark before Shoupe kicks open the door to enter the Chateau.

-

JJ manages to evade him for almost a week before the Deputy (who had voluntarily offered to personally hunt him down) finds him asleep on the beach with his backpack under his head.

"Are you really gonna take me to my uncle, Shoupe?" asks the blond, his head leaning against the police car’s window. His fingers are playing with the edge of one of John B's bandanas, trying to remember any happy memories that come to his mind.

( _There aren't many, but if he wants to keep any kind of calm to not jump out of the car like a madman, he has to stick with what he has_.)

"You'll stay with him until your crazy-ass father gets out of jail. Probably around two months."

"That’s a joke, right?"

"No."

JJ's head is spinning. If his father is crazy, his brother is completely out of his mind. Luke avoids him as much as possible, especially since his aunt went missing.

(Under mysterious circumstances, of course.)

( _Probably digging in the yard would make for some disconcerting discoveries_.)

Arthur Maybank was one of Luke's brothers. He had a son a few years younger than JJ and a rabid dog that he kicked whenever it was around.

(After a week JJ realised that this was not only a habit he had with the dog.)

“And who came up with this brilliant idea? Don't you have, like a file on him? Something like that? Who thought it was a- "

"We would have taken you to your mother, but you know how she is..."

(Addicted to every kind of drug. An alcoholic. Mentally unstable. _Gone_.)

And JJ _feels_ that son of a bitch holding back a laugh. Because for him it's all fun, satisfying. He _hears_ him think that a shit life is what he deserves for being the little punk he is.

(He hates him. He hates him with all of his heart. He hates him as he has never hated anyone, even his dad.)

The blond grits his teeth until his jaws ache. He knows the deputy sheriff is just waiting for a good excuse to turn around and throw him in a holding cell for assaulting a police officer.

(It wouldn't be the first time and God knows how much he deserves it.)

"So, how is your uncle? Haven’t seen him in a long time, have you?" asks the man, with that innocent tone that doesn't suit him at all. He turns for a second, taking his eyes off the road and meeting the boy's angry gaze.

He grins softly.

The blond is barely holding back from turning and spitting in his face. He knows that it’s Shoupe’s little version of revenge for every time JJ made him work overtime at the station, every time he stole from under his nose and wasn't caught. For the time he threw rotten eggs at his front door. For all the times he had been chased to exhaustion.

(For all the times he's been called by the neighbors because screams and disturbing noises came from the Maybank house _and oh my God I think I saw Luke hitting his son._ )

(For all the times Shoupe has had to deal with JJ in general. His very existence was something he has to pay dearly for.)

( _He wouldn't be the only one who thinks so. JJ has a list of names in mind, starting with his own father_.)

"Come on. He can't be that bad, can he? Maybe it’ll be the time that someone can finally put you back in line, punk. Huh? But deep down everyone knows _where you’re from_ , with a deadbeat dad and a mother like that. You can never be anything other than a fucking criminal."

But thank goodness, after a twenty minute drive into the deepest depths of The Cut, they arrived at his uncle’s and JJ doesn't have time to kick Shoupe’s ass anymore.

His cousin welcomes them, with a black eye and a split lip. The Deputy asks him how he got it and when the boy replies with a shrug, that sadistic bastard turns to JJ and pats him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I really think this is the time someone will finally put you in line properly, boy."

-

After a week, three things are clear to JJ.

The first is that Luke is _far_ from receiving the Worst Father of the Year award.

The second is that his uncle has no problems beating him up, despite him being a guest.

(JJ has to admit that, for just a brief moment, he had hoped it.)

(He hoped the good old Maybank blood was lying.)

(He wasn't lying.)

( _After all, everyone knows where he’s from, right? Right_.)

The third is that his cousin Edward, in his twelve years of life, has taken enough blows to earn JJ's respect.

And JJ hardly respects anyone.

( _Except John B. And Pope and Kie. But at the moment they seem like a distant memory that belongs to someone else's life_.)

For a week, the boy’s unable to move from his new hell. Partly because one of the first things his uncle did was search his backpack and steal all the money that JJ had managed to save, so no petrol for his bike. And partly because the idea of leaving Ed home alone scared him more than he liked to admit.

But John B is John B, and everyone knows JJ can't go without him for more than a week.

(It's not like _physical pain_. It’s not like _without JB nothing makes sense anymore, nothing matters anymore_.)

(It’s not true.)

(Definitely.)

( _Nope_.)

So one evening, after his uncle falls asleep on the couch with a glass of scotch hanging between his fingers, JJ takes twenty dollars from the man’s wallet, steals a bottle of vodka from the fridge and leaves the house.

He takes his cousin with him. The truth is, he reminds him of himself before he met John B.

Before he met someone who could put him back together every time Luke tore him apart.

He knew what it was like to live that kind of life without a person like John B by his side. And it hurts him to admit that without JB, JJ would probably be six feet under by now.

For his part, John B feels like he can finally breathe after a week in apnea when he opens the door of the Chateau and sees the two boys.

"Christ JJ, where the fuck were you?"

“Aw JB, I knew you missed me. You can't live without me." the blond replies, hugging the other boy.

( _He puts his face in the hollow of John B’s neck, trying to breathe that scent of salt and sea_ and home _that he hasn't smelled for a long, long time_.)

“This is Edward, my cousin. Ed, this is John B. The guy I was telling you about."

“Oh, did you tell him about me? This is very cute of you, sweetie.” he says, getting a punch on the shoulder. “Pleasure anyway.”

He reaches out to shake Ed's hand, but the other boy withdraws with an almost imperceptible flinch. But John B sees it, because he's seen JJ do it for years.

“Hi.” he simply says, lowering his eyes to the floor.

“Yeah well, Ed here is very shy. By the way, make yourself comfortable cousin, _mi casa es tu casa_.”

“It’s my house, anyway. And what is that, JJ?”

But he doesn't point to anything, so the blond doesn't know if he's referring to the bottle of vodka he's holding or the hand-shaped purple bruise on his neck.

(Probably both.)

" _You know where I’m from_." he says, opening the bottle and taking a long sip, not bothering to say more.

Whatever John B was referring to, the answer would be the same.

They spend the night at the Chateau.

JJ’s curled up next to John B, while he strokes his hair.

Ed’s on the edge of the couch, like an animal ready to escape as soon as it needed to.

But he’s like Fabritius' _Goldfinch_. Ready to fly but forever tied to the perch.

He’ll never escape that life and if you look closely you could see the same dark shadow of awareness in both boys, in the deepness of those beautiful blue eyes.

Because that’s _where they’re from_.

And it’s like a monster they can’t escape.

_(Five months later Edward's father will be arrested for murder and the boy will be sent to the Mainland.)_

_(Six months later they will find him dead in the bathtub, fresh blood still dripping from his veins.)_

-

The fact is this: hatred is an emotion that takes hold of your soul like a disease. It eats you from the inside until there is nothing left of you but a rotten carcass.

But until then, hatred makes you a predator. Your mind is focused on the prey and sees nothing but that.

Hatred is what Shoupe feels for JJ.

And it’s for this reason, that when he sees him leave the supermarket, everything around him vanishes and there is nothing else in the world but that limping blond boy.

"Maybank, what are the odds?"

JJ, for his part, is firmly convinced that the whole world was against him that day.

“Good morning, sir. What brings you here? Don't you have... _I don’t know_... some innocent black people to arrest for not crossing the road at the crosswalk? I know it's your favorite hobby. You seem a bit bored. "

JJ knows that answering the Deputy in kind is one of the worst choices he could make.

( _Pope's voice as he insults him for being an idiot reverberates in his head_.)

But something inside him prevents him from showing respect for the man.

“Oh don't worry Maybank, you could never bore me. What are you doing here, young boy?”

“Just some shopping, sir. Nothing for you to be worried about.”

“Really? So why don’t you empty your pockets and we check what you have on you? Just for scruple.” he says, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing until it hurts.

It takes all of JJ’s willpower not to flinch away and keep a minimum of his dignity.

(But he doesn't know which is stronger in his mind: his pride or the memory of what a hand on his shoulder means is, from _where he’s from._ )

The blond pulls everything he has out of his pockets: two energy bars, a pack of gauze, some bruise cream and a keychain.

“And you paid for all these things, did you, boy?”

“Yeah. I mean- _yes, sir._ ”

“Receipt?”

“She didn't give it to me. I'm sorry but I’m really late and _you know_ my uncle doesn’t really-"

“Shut up, Maybank. That’s not a problem. Let's go back inside and ask her, I'm sure the cashier will remember you.” but the man takes no steps towards the supermarket. He doesn’t move an inch.

His eyes are on the boy's blue ones.

His hand still gripping his shoulder.

The shadow of a grin on his lips.

( _JJ feels he could rip his head off his neck with no remorse_.)

They don't move an inch until JJ breaks eye contact by lowering his head.

Like he’s dropping the Queen, so he doesn’t have to face a humiliating checkmate.

“That’s what I thought. Now get in the car, let's go to the Station.” he says, starting off. “Why are you limping? What did you do to your leg?"

And if he didn't know him better, JJ might think the man was worried.

( _But he knows him better than that, and knows that the only thing he's really worried about is if it hurt enough_.)

"I fell. But don't worry, Shoupe. It’ll heal soon and I’ll be ready to break into some banks on Figure Eight." he answers sarcastically, patting him on the shoulder.

Shoupe grabs his wrist and yanks him closer.

“I thought your uncle was going to be able to get you back in line but obviously I was wrong. With a little punk like you you have to do what you do with a mad dog. A scolding is not enough, you have to beat them until they understand that they have to stay, sit and stop barking.”

“But that's not enough with you, right? No, it’s not.” He continues. “You're a lost case, Maybank. You and your whole crazy family."

" _You know where I‘m from._ "

Ten minutes later he’s at the station listening to the Deputy trying to get Peterkin to put him in the cell for the night.

But the woman certainly doesn't want to fill out paperwork just for a kleptomaniac kid, so she tells him to call his uncle to come get him.

Thirty minutes later he’s back in his uncle's living room. On the ground, with the metallic taste of blood in his mouth and the familiar sound of the belt filling his ears.

-

Two months pass and Luke is released from prison.

It’s Shoupe who picks him up from his uncle's house to take him away. JJ has a black eye, but the man doesn't mention it throughout the trip.

He walks him up to the front of the prison.

Luke comes out and lazily greets him from a far before reaching them.

“I’m going to take you and your son home, Maybank. Get in the car.”

“No home, Shoupe. I need a fuckin’ drink. Right now.” the words come out tired. He doesn’t even look his son in the eyes before getting in the car.

“Dad!” he says, quite worried. He knows that his dad is gonna come home drunk as fuck and probably _angry_ as fuck, like all the other times Luke couldn’t drink for a while. And two months is a really long ‘ _while_ ’.

That means a hell of a beating for him, he already knows.

“Alright Maybank, I’ll drop you off at _The Vampire Street Club_. After all, you really deserve a drink after all this time. Right, JJ?”

The boy is staring at the grin on Shoupe’s face.

The man knows what is gonna happen to him.

( _He knows he knows heknowsheknowsheknowshe-_ )

But he doesn’t care.

Or, well, he does. But in the opposite way that he should.

From behind him, Shoupe whispers in his ear.

“This is _where you’re from_. And this is where you’ll end up.”

_JJ doesn’t trust the police, because they do whatever they want and don’t care about the people they should protect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I love film and book reference. Sue me.  
> Let me know if you liked it :)  
> Bye.


	3. you're like a little rock in my shoe. I shake my foot, I think I’ve gotten it out. Then DANG. There it is again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mention of ppl trying to sexual harass other ppl? Honestly I don’t know how to explain it, just be safe guys.  
> This is one of the most angst thing I have wrote. BE SAFE. 
> 
> We are more than half way, and there are only two more chapters.
> 
> If anyone wants to guess what phrases I'm going to use, I'd really like to hear your guesses! 
> 
> Maybe you could give me inspiration :)
> 
> Enjoy the reading.

_“You're like a little rock in my shoe. I shake my foot, I think I’ve gotten it out. Then DANG. There it is again.”_

_JJ leans back in his chair, trying to look indifferent. As if all that mess didn't concern him._

_The woman looks tired and gives him a look full of annoyance._

_(He understands her. He is fed up with himself, too.)_

_They look into each other's eyes, then the boy lowers his gaze._

_He knows he is in no position to openly challenge the woman._

_It is a lesson he learned many years ago._

-

**Survival**

/ səˈvʌɪv (ə) l /

_The state or fact of continuing to live or exist, typically in spite of an accident, ordeal, or difficult circumstances._

For JJ, ‘ _survival_ ’ means avoiding his father as much as possible, spending most of his time at John B's, and making sure no one catches him stealing from the supermarket.

It’s certainly not easy but, as Big John always says, in the Outer Banks you have either two houses or two jobs. And JJ’s neither in the first nor the second category.

But let's start from the beginning.

_Once upon a time there was Jason._

Jason was a big and brawny man who worked at _Southeastern Grocers_ seven days a week as a security guard.

( _Jason was, coincidentally, also one of the people who lived closest to the Maybank house._ )

Jason had caught JJ stealing from _Southeastern Grocers_ at least a hundred times in his sixteen years of work. Not once had he called the police.

(JJ knows that there were only two types of people in the world. Those who are moved by the words ‘ _child abuse_ ’ and those who aren't.)

(Jason, despite his gruff appearance, was part of the first category.)

(“ _It is not unusual that direct contact with victims of child abuse can elicit uncommon empathy_.”)

Jason was a good person.

Jason had been _fired_.

Now there’s Carl.

Carl is an asshole, you know that right away.

But JJ has years of training behind him and manages to escape him with stolen stuff from under his nose once.

Twice.

Three times.

Not the fourth.

But he should have foreseen it, because as soon as JJ sets foot in the shop that day, the usual cold Carl isn't there to welcome him.

_There's a new grinning Carl._

(And now the man reminds him of Shoupe. He reminds him of his father. He reminds him of his uncle.)

But JJ brushes that thought away like an annoying fly.

( _An annoying fly that’s in his head and sometimes he feels like he can't think of anything else but the_ damn. annoying. fly.)

On the shelves of the supermarket he knows how to move, he knows when to act.

His brain begins to produce adrenaline and he feeds on it as if it were the golden nectar of the gods. Perhaps it’s precisely the annoying fly from before that makes him exaggerate, in order to prove a point.

The backpack fills up and proportionately also his pride. Because he will come out of that supermarket proving to the world that, for the umpteenth time, he is smarter and more cunning than everyone else.

Perhaps, in his subconscious, it’s just another way to prove to all those who call him ‘ _stupid_ ’ at school that they are wrong.

A voice inside his head, his instinct ( _the annoying fly_ ), screams for him to stop. To put everything back and retrace his steps, because this isn’t his lucky day.

Because that grin wasn't there by chance.

‘Turn around JJ. Go back while you still can.’

( _But that’s the same voice telling him not to go home to his father.)_

 _(The same voice that some nights still whispers to him that his mom wasn’t coming home. She would not come back to take him away with her._ )

(JJ became very good at ignoring that voice. Thank you very much.)

( _That annoying fly._ )

So he goes to the cashier.

First rule: never leave a shop without paying for anything. Especially if your surname is Maybank.

He hands the three crumpled dollar bills to the cashier, who doesn't even look him in the face before moving on to the next customer.

He starts to leave the supermarket when Carl stops him.

"Open your backpack, boy."

"Yes sir." he says confidently, opening the bag containing the few things he had bought.

"I’m not a fool. I said the backpack. Open it. Don’t waste my time." he says hastily, as if it’s a routine check.

(JJ could swear he saw again, _for a second_ , that grin appear on the man's face.)

But the boy certainly has no intention of giving up so quickly.

In a last ditch effort, he tries to escape.

Carl is big.

But Carl is also fast.

( _Above all, Carl expected it_.)

He pins the boy against the wall, one arm on his Adam's apple. He feels him press as it moves up and down when he swallows the saliva. He gasps, trying helplessly to flinch away.

Their faces are inches apart.

“I figured you were gonna do that. Deputy Shoupe is an old friend of mine, he warned me.

“He also got me this job when I got out of jail two weeks ago.

“ _It’s easy Carl_ , he said, _just let everyone know that that idiot Jason has an eye on the Maybank kid_. Apparently, he was not wrong.

“You probably sucked him off in his free time? Right? God, how disgusting is that? But he told me that this and more can be expected from you.

“I’ll warn you right away, you might as well bend over and offer me you ass and you wouldn't convince me anyway, fag. _Probably. But if you really insist we can give it a try, huh?_

“Shoupe told me you were putting the stolen stuff in your backpack, but I knew that catching you red-handed on the first day would take away my satisfaction.”

JJ closes his eyes and turns to the side, as if this could help him escape those words. He already hears them booming in his head and knows they will haunt him for the nights to come. He feels the warm breath of the man on his cheek as he presses his body on the younger boy’s.

_He feels like throwing up._

"Now let's call the Deputy, yeah?" he says as he takes the phone from his front pocket.

JJ doesn’t miss the way he brushes his thigh near his groin in order to do it.

He squints his eyes as hard as he can.

-

Half an hour later, JJ is sitting in the interrogation room at the police station.

He has his arms crossed and the arrogant mood of someone who is completely indifferent to what surrounds him.

( _The truth is, he has his arms folded in order to stop shaking.)_

_(He can still feel the ghost of Carl's hand on his thigh. His arm preventing him from breathing. His breath against his skin.)_

"Listen, Maybank." Sheriff Peterkin begins, entering the room with the Deputy. He closes the door behind him and JJ can't help but feel trapped.

The woman sits in front of the boy, while Shoupe stands next to the blond.

(Close.)

 _(Too close_.)

(JJ received enough negative external stimuli for today, that he could have a nervous breakdown at any moment.)

“Let's face it. I've let you go too many times. I don't like you, but you're wrong if you think I don't feel sorry for you.”

The blond lets out a derisive snort, but Peterkin seems to ignore it.

“Unfortunately this time, my hands are tied. You’ll spend the night in the holding cell, Maybank. Tomorrow your father will pick you up.”

He doesn't need to turn around to see the satisfied grin on that sadistic psychopath’s face.

“And I’m warning you, boy. This is the last time. If you are caught stealing again, there will be only juvie for you.”

JJ holds back from jumping out of his chair and yelling at her that there's no need to slam him into juvie. That it would be enough to explain to Luke that ‘ _taking care of your child_ ’ is part of the basic duties of a parent.

That maybe if she had helped him in fourth grade now he wouldn't be in this fucked up mess.

But Shoupe grabs him by the arm and takes him outside. He throws him into the holding cell like a stray dog. The boy loses his balance and falls.

(But he's used to that gesture, his father _loves_ towering over him. Seeing him subdue to his power, emotionally and physically.)

( _Oh, how mad he'll be when he’s gonna find out about all this shit tomorrow._ )

“Carl told me you offered to suck him off, so he wouldn’t call the police. _Well that was to be expected_ , I said. But he is not Jason. God, who knows how pissed Luke will be. Pray I don't tell your father you're a little bitch.” the man says, laughing at him.

JJ _growls_ through his teeth.

Maybe if they all treat you like a stray dog, then you really become one.

( _No, that's just a facade because he still can't shake the ghost of his hand's touch on his thigh_.)

“Well, Carl told you bullshit. I would never to that shit. _I can't say the same about him, though.”_

Shoupe approaches the boy, flexing his knees and leaning on his heels in order to get on the boy’s level.

JJ, despite the situation, has no intention of lowering his gaze.

"I said: _pray I don't tell your father you're a little bitch_."

The boy tells himself that he still has enough dignity not to open his mouth.

(That's a lie. Both the annoying fly in his head and himself know it.)

(Your father will kill you. He will kill you. He will kill you, he will kill you, _hewillkillyouhewillkillyou_.)

(Shut up.)

( _He will kill you_.)

Shoupe gets up, intending to leave.

"Wait." it’s nothing more than a whisper. He lowers his head in defeat, his blond hair falls over his face, covering his puffy and wet eyes. " _Please_."

"Please _what_?"

"Don't tell him."

"Don't tell him _what_?"

JJ remains silent. There’s a tear, hanging over his lashes. There is all his dignity in there.

"Don't tell him _what_ , JJ?"

The tear falls.

" _That I'm a little bitch_."

-

Luke picks up his son the next morning.

He's dead drunk and in a bad mood, but no one in the police station seems to care. Not even when he grabs his son by the hair and takes him out of the building, when he shoves him in the car by force.

JJ _hates_ car trips with his father.

The air is saturated with anxiety and, from past experiences, he knows that that situation is the closest thing to ‘ _being in a cage with a lion’._

He knows that his father could snap at any moment, stopping the car and banging his head against the car window until his nose breaks.

Probably, if you look closely, you could find drops of blood everywhere in that truck.

JJ looks away out the window. He focuses on anything but that moment. His knee bounces up and down as his hyperactivity takes over his brain like a disease, colonizing every nerve and every muscle.

"Stop. I'm pissed enough already, don't make it worse by annoying me."

JJ freezes in place, even if this takes a lot of effort.

His brain keeps reproposing images, _flashes_.

His father stopping the car.

( _Stay calm_.)

A surreal and monstrous version of his father's face turning and yelling at him.

( _Everything is fine_.)

His father punching him, slamming his bleeding face against the window.

( _You’re fine_.)

His father wrapping his hands around his throat.

( _You’re safe, for now. Please, don't fuck everything up_.)

“Dad, I didn-” he tries, searching for a way out of the situation.

“Quiet.” his father barked, silencing JJ immediately. “What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU.”

JJ flinched “I-I'm sorr-”

“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?”

Then he snaps, suddenly. A slap, given with the back of his hand, hits him.

He hisses, head sideways and down, staring at the ragged carpet inside the car. His lip is bleeding. He knew that the slap was just a warning.

“I thought I told you to stay out of trouble, boy.”

JJ didn’t respond. He knows better this time.

“And yet you didn’t fucking listen?”

( _Forgive me Father, for I have sinned_.)

-

They arrive home and Luke grabs him by the hair, almost dragging him inside.

“Come on, take off your shirt.” he says, as he unbuckles his belt and rolls one end in the palm of his hand.

“Why do you always have to piss me off?”

The buckle hits the man’s leg as he approaches his son. The sound sends a shiver down his spine.

JJ has his hands leaning against the wall, palms open so as not to hurt himself with his nails.

( _Though he knows he will anyway. In the end, he always does_.)

He threw his shirt on the couch. It’s John B’s and the boy would like to attach himself to the memory of his scent, of the sound of the waves over his voice as he shows him a new surf trick.

But the thought is blown away when the buckle hits his exposed skin.

JJ bites the inside of his cheek until it bleeds. He wouldn't make a sound. He wouldn't even give his father this satisfaction.

But eventually he cries out.

( _In the end he always does.)_

_(He's not as strong as he thinks.)_

_(“That I'm a little bitch”_ )

A tear falls and leaves behind a wet trail on his cheek.

A sob. And his father snaps. After all, that’s what he’s waiting for.

(What both of them are waiting for.)

Luke grabs him by the hair and slams his face into the wall.

JJ squeezes his eyes, he feels his legs giving way. He would probably be curled on the floor already if it weren't for his father's iron grip.

Out of the corner of his eye he sees him throw the belt to the side. He turns him around, slamming his injured back against the wall.

He lets out a strangled scream and his father silences him with a punch. He feels the taste of blood in his mouth.

He throws him to the ground before kicking him. He’s screaming, but JJ doesn't hear what he says. In his head, everything is muffled.

But Luke’s tired (the belt always tires him out) so it doesn't take long before he gets bored.

Then he spits on the boy and leaves the house.

-

A week later, JJ is sitting in the interrogation room again.

He has a wrist cuffed to the leg of the table. They treat him like he just killed someone.

In fact, the boy had the brilliant idea of sneaking into the Toppers' house in order to steal food from their pantry.

(Which, for the police, is probably equivalent to _murder_.)

The point is this: JJ's week has been _awful_.

(JJ and luck had gone two different ways since Jason was fired.)

( _Actually, since his mother abandoned him and left with a violent and addicted man_.)

After his father decided to reduce him to a mass of blood and bruises, JJ made his way to the Chateau.

Only to find out that Big John had apparently remembered he had a son, after a month of complete absence.

Kie's parents had also returned home after a trip to Venice, so the Kook Mansion was off limits.

The Heyward house was not even worth considering.

JJ decided to sleep on the beach, which was bad enough. But he also discovered that Luke had stolen all the money he had left from his backpack.

For that reason, after three days he decided to go back to his father with his tail between his legs. But he found Luke in a bad mood, so he was literally kicked out of the house.

“ _You will be able to eat in my house when you’ll have learned how to not get caught by the police. Until then, fuck off_.”

Long story short, this is the preamble to the reason why he’s now in the interrogation room, accused of trying to break into the Thorntons’ safe.

(That wasn’t true, of course. But that didn't matter to anyone.)

( _How do you explain to the judge that the kid only broke in to eat milk and cereal, a piece of roast and a slice of cake?)_

 _(No, no. Better to say he was breaking into the safe_.)

After nearly half an hour, Peterkin and Shoupe enter the room.

The woman assumes the angry mom pose, with her hands on her hips and her brows furrowed.

On the other hand, Shoupe approaches him. But JJ doesn't look at him. _Not after what had happened last week_.

“Well, boy. What can I say? You screwed up. Now you are in deep shit.” he says, patting him on the back.

JJ flinches, as the pain from his wounds grows stronger.

“Maybank.” the woman says firmly. “You’re going to juvie. I war- "

“I didn’t do shit! I-"

“-ned you, last week. You tried to break into the Thorntons’ safe. Now you do time.”

“You know that's not what happened. I ate from some rich guy’s fridge and I get put in juvie? When you found the Camerons' son selling coke to 15-year-olds, what did you do? Nothing. Because he is rich, right?

Y’all are just hypocrites.”

JJ begins to raise his voice, completely out of his mind. He injures his wrist as the cuff digs into his skin.

Shoupe hits him, backhanded. He falls silent immediately.

The blond touches his lip and his fingers come back red.

His lip is bleeding. Again.

“Hey, keep your hands to yourself.” the woman says with little conviction, turning to the Deputy. “And Maybank, I certainly don't have to explain to you how things work here. He’s the son of the richest man on the island. You are _you_. Don't make me tell you what we both already know.”

There is a moment of silence. JJ's ears ring. All of that seems surreal to him.

When he speaks, he still has his head tilted to one side and his hand on his bruised cheek. If he had to humiliate himself again, he certainly wouldn't look at them in the eye.

(He certainly wouldn't look Shoupe in the eye, which now reminded him more and more of his father.)

(' _This is the last chance I’ll give you, Peterkin. Don't fail me again_.')

( _“Do you trust Peterkin?”)_

“Okey, fuck. I- I stole ‘cause I have nothing. I’m broke, I don't have a job and I barely have a home.

“My dad suddenly decided that I'm no more worthy enough to actually give me food. _Please_.

“I didn't mean any harm. I was just hungry as fuck. I'm begging you. I just wanted to eat something. _Please_.”

“This is not our problem, boy. Get rich like the Camerons and then maybe we'll give a fuck about your personal problems. In the meantime, you’ll go to juvie.” Shoupe says, before exiting the room, closely followed by the Sheriff.

_JJ doesn't trust the police, because they were assholes with double standards._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it :)  
> As always, I appreciate every kudos or comment so feel free to let me know if you liked it.  
> I big thank you to everyone who comments on the last chapter, I luv u guys.
> 
> Again, I’d like to remind you to go and check out NoheaAloha’s stories. She just uploaded a new chapter of My Best Friend Since The Third Grade and I can guarantee you, it’s WONDERFUL.


	4. did Shoupe do that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everybody!   
> I’m here!  
> Sorry for the delay but University is taking all my time.
> 
> So, I hope y’all are still with me... :)
> 
> As always, a big thank you to my beta angel NoheaAloha. Go and read her stories ‘cause they are WONDERFUL (and angst ;P)

_“Did Shoupe do that?”_

_Pope points to the set of purple bruises that mark half of JJ's face._

_The blond holds his breath, trying to figure out if he should tell the truth or put the blame on the Deputy._

_After all, it certainly wouldn't be the first time JJ has left prison covered in bruises._

-

He was at the Chateau when the news reached his ears. In hindsight, JJ would have liked to have reacted differently.

( _Maintain some dignity, at least_.)

Instead he drops the glass to the ground, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

John B's voice still echoes in his head as he picks up the splinters with his bare hands and slashes his palms.

( _Shoupe became Sheriff_.)

He feels the blood dripping between his fingers, but he doesn't care.

( _Shoupe became Sheriff._ )

John B talks to him, but his voice seems distant.

( _Shoupe became Sheriff Shoupe became Sheriff Shoupe-_ )

He wraps his palm around a glass shard, but the pain doesn't seem to bring him back to reality.

(- _became Sheriff._ )

Delicate fingers open his palm and the blood-stained piece of glass falls to the ground. JJ looks up, eyes meeting John B’s chocolate eyes.

“Hey what’s going on? You cool?” the boy asks, in a low but firm voice as if he doesn’t want to scare his friend.

“I'm fine.” he replies unconvincingly, shaking his head. His hair falls forward, covering his blue eyes.

“If you say so.”John B learned many years ago when it was best not to press his friend. Whatever his concerns were, JJ would tell him when he felt ready to do so.

“Go sit on the couch, okay? I'm going to get something to bandage your hand.”

The blond watches the blood dripping from his cuts. Both palms are injured, but his right has a long, deep cut and it doesn't stop bleeding. His brain doesn't seem able to register the pain though.

JJ moves towards the couch like an automaton, his eyes fixed on the crimson rivulets that now pour creating lines wrapping his arm.

“Make sure you don’t stain anything, bro! You know blood is a bitch to clean up.” He teases him jokingly, trying to lift the mood.

JJ gives a hint of a smile, but they both know it's fake.

John B gently cleans his cuts, wrapping his hands in bandages. Then he looks up to meet his friend's blue eyes.

JJ gets lost in his gaze and locks their fingers together unconsciously.

( _Or maybe consciously, but admitting it would cost him too much_.)

The dark-haired boy puts the bloody gauzes on the coffee table in the living room, before sitting down on the sofa next to his friend.

JJ lies down, resting his head on John B's lap as he runs his fingers through his hair.

(The blond gets lost in that gesture and in that moment everything seems so distant and unimportant.)

( _John B always has this effect on him.)_

_(He hasn't decided yet if it's a good thing or not._ )

“Now you want to tell me what that was all about?”

JJ shakes his head in denial. He looks like a cat. After a few minutes, however, he replies.

“I don't like the idea of Shoupe being the Sheriff.”

“That's all?”

“Yup, John B. That's all.”

No, of course it wasn't all. But JJ had decided to keep his friend, as well as Kie and Pope, in the dark about everything that had happened between him and Shoupe.

( _And Carl_.)

Now he regretted it a little.

“JJ, please. You don't think I believe that, do you?”

“No, I don't think so.” JJ mumbles, sinking his face into John B's shirt.

(It smells of sea, salt _and home_.)

“So why don't you want to tell me about it? What are you hiding from me?”

JJ stands up, running a hand over his face and immediately regretting it. He had almost forgotten that both palms were full of cuts.

(Working tomorrow will be hell.)

“Where did you put the weed?”

“JJ-”

“If we have to have that conversation, at least let me get high.”

They had the conversation.

(In the only way JJ could handle it.)

( _Which was by omitting any parts where he might seem weak._ )

They never talked about it again.

-

The sound of the sea waves lull him as JJ fills his lungs with smoke.

Around him, Pope and Kie laugh at John B’s joke and their voices soothe his ears.

In his mind everything comes slow, calm as his gaze fades into the flames of the bonfire.

He feels Kie's head resting on his shoulder, snuggles close to the blond as her curly hair tickles his neck. JJ puts his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him, as if he wants to protect her from something.

He passes her the joint as he exhales the last hit towards the sky creating a white cloud that is lost among the stars.

( _JJ wishes the night would never end_.)

“Who’s coming in?” John B says standing up to take off his shirt.

JJ still has salt on him from that morning. The four had been surfing until they no longer felt the muscles in their legs.

Kiara had brought food from The Wreck and they had been on the beach all day long.

“Absolutely not, JB. It's almost midnight! And I heard that the current brought a lot of jellyfish to the shore. You know at night you’re more likely to be stung? Not to mention the fact that-”

“Ah, stop talking Pope. You give me a headache when you do that.” JJ jokingly interrupts him, punching him on the shoulder.

“Well, do what you want. But I'm not going to take you to the hospital when you meet a Pelagia Noctiluca.” he concludes, with that professor tone that makes everyone burst out laughing.

“Kie, are you coming?” asks John B, as he helps a very high JJ get up.

“Nah, I don't want to. You go, I take on the painful task of keeping Pope company.”

A glance is enough for JJ and John B to understand each other. The blond loads the girl on his shoulders as she kicks and throws playful punches on the boy's back.

John B does the same with Pope, although for obvious reasons he encounters greater difficulties. But he was never the type to give up easily, so eventually all four end up in the warm waters of the Outer Banks.

Kiara tries to drown JJ by jumping on his shoulders, but he turns and raises her by the hips before dropping her back into the water.

John B gives a muffled cry as Pope grabs him by the ankle and makes him lose his balance and make him fall into the water.

They laugh, splashing under the stars of the sky illuminated by the full moon.

All problems, all worries are so distant that they seem to belong to others.

At that moment, all that matters is making it sure that Kie can get Pope off John B’s shoulders.

But JJ is so stoned and drunk that he's not even sure he'll be able to balance the girl on his shoulders, so when John B pushes him he falls backwards into Kiara.

“What the hell is going on? Get out of the water immediately.”

A white light blinds JJ, who closes his eyes and shields his face with one hand.

“Come on, out. All four of you.” screams a male voice, which they all easily recognize.

_Shoupe_.

"And one of you had the brilliant idea of leaving a bag full of weed in plain sight." he adds, once they all get out of the water and line up in front of the Deputy.

_No, the Sheriff._

“It's mine.” they say in chorus.

“I'm almost getting emotional. Everyone trying to protect their friend. Now come on JJ, get in the car and I'll take you to the Station. That’s more than an eighth.”

JJ's head is spinning. The protests of his friends come to his ears like distant voices.

(" _Get arrested again boy. I dare you. Get arrested again and you better pray that I just break all of your bones.)_

_("Jesus JJ, you can’t go on like this. Kiara and I are worried. I don’t know if Heyward will pay your bail for the fourth time.")_

The blond is grabbed by the arm and can’t hold back a violent flinch.

“Ah, don’t make a fuss Maybank. Move.” he grunts, yanking him.

The blond stumbles, disoriented and confused. A minute ago he was in the water with Kie on his shoulders, and he has no idea hoe this happened.

The girl would say that _karma_ happened.

(" _This is where you are from. And this is where you’ll end up.")_

_("Christ JJ, you've just been in juvie for a month and the first thing you do when you come back is annoy Shoupe?")_

-

The cell is cold and uncomfortable and _familiar_.

He has carved his name on the wall with the knife he keeps in his boot, the third time he has been arrested since he left juvie.

On the other side of the bars, Shoupe is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He looks at him with a grin, pointing out his position of power and superiority over the young man.

“Your father didn’t answer the phone, as usual.” his voice is mean and JJ knows that, in some perverse way, he is mocking him. “But I'm sure he'll be glad to know you're in here. _Again_.”

“And you're happy about it, aren't you? Such an asshole.” JJ bites his tongue because he's a hothead but he also knows when he's at a disadvantage.

(When it's time to be silent.)

( _His father taught him that._ )

“Try repeating it, kid.” the blond's heart begins to accelerate.

He acts like a predator, with an arrogant face and eyes that sparkle, but he knows he's the prey.

( _He knows that, in the end, it will always be him alone who will be eaten_.)

“You enjoy it, right, seeing me here? I've always known that you're a fucking pervert. Since that time with Carl. No, maybe even earlier.

“Does it make you excited to see kids locked up in a cage? Is it some kind of kink for you, man? I bet you’re dying for a blowjob now, aren’t you?

“Or are you just evil, _Sheriff_? I think it’s the first one, Shoupe. You can admit it.”

He’s provoking him, sure that those bars will protect him from the attack of anger that is certainly about to be unleashed, rising like a fire in the body of man.

He sees it, in the way man's eyes are reduced to slits.

(A voice in his head tries desperately to remind him that those bars have a lock. That the key is in the hands of the predator.)

( _It’s John B's voice, but JJ blocks it out along with the boy’s memory.)_

_(JB will always be his weak point._ )

“Your father didn't teach you manners, apparently. Who do you think you're talking to? You think you are different, but in the end you are exactly like Luke. A drug addict, alcoholic who seeks out fights with everyone on Figure Eight. All those blows are useless in the end.”

JJ gets up from his corner, approaching the bars and squeezing them until his knuckles turn white.

Shoupe takes his back off the wall and does the same. Now they are only a few inches away from each other.

“I'm not like my father.” it is a grunt that JJ says more to himself than to the man who, on the other side of the bars, raises an eyebrow.

“You are more like him than you think. Your mother must have understood that right away. That’s why she-”

JJ spits in his face.

And he knows he's made a terrible mistake the moment the mockery in Shoupe’s eyes turns into the same blind rage he sees in Luke's eyes.

The Sheriff opens the cell door and JJ is not quick enough to back away.

( _Not that it would have made any difference_.)

( _He was the prey_.)

A fist makes him bend to one side and the figure of the Sheriff overlaps with the figure of his father, like two blurred and superimposed images.

Because just like his father not even the Sheriff stops when JJ collapses to the ground.

A kick hits him in the center of the stomach, while the blond raises his arms trying to protect his face.

He tastes blood in his mouth and feels Shoupe grunt something with each blow but JJ can't understand what he’s saying.

_He doesn't stop_ when he lets out groans of pain, curled up in a fetal position in the center of the cold cell floor.

_He doesn't stop_ when he hears the sound of a cracking rib.

_He doesn't stop_ when JJ doesn't even have the strength to keep his arms raised to cover his face from the blows. When he drops them, exposing himself.

Like a doll with empty and dead eyes that look far away, staring at nothing.

He stops, however, when JJ lets out a plea. A monotone and exhausted beg.

“ _Please, stop_.”

Nothing more than that. But it seems to trigger something in the Sheriff's mind that causes him to freeze, like a video paused, with his foot inches from JJ's sternum.

(Something. Perhaps humanity. What his father lacks.)

( _No, probably just the knowledge that if he beat him to death it would make a big mess_.)

Shoupe retreats, a few steps back until he leaves the cell. He closes the bars and walks away from them as if they were made of fire.

His gaze does not detach from the figure of JJ crawling like a wounded animal to the corner of the cell. Their eye contacts contact seems to last for centuries, but eventually Shoupe looks away and leaves.

The next day a policeman takes him out of the holding cell saying that the Sheriff has decided to let him out. He would have expected to see his father, but he wasn't there.

-

“ _Did Luke do that?_ ”

Pope asks him from the door, pointing to JJ's purple cheek.

He’s at the Chateau.

The blond hadn't had the strength to go back to his father that morning and had headed to John B’s.

He had been waiting for them, lying on the sofa. He had smoked all John B’s weed he had in the house, already knowing that when the three got back from school they would start asking questions.

Predictably, Pope is standing at the door of the Chateau, a finger pointing at JJ and his eyes scared.

Kiara's expression was disgusted and the blond can't even look her in the face.

John B, on the other hand, learned in fourth grade how to block all the emotions out of his head. So he moves without thinking and goes to the bathroom, coming out with gauze and the Advil.

“Take off your shirt.”

“John B, listen-”

“ _No_. Take off your shirt. I wasn't asking, JJ. Just do it.”

When he does it, it seems that the air has been sucked out of the room. Kie puts a hand to her mouth and JJ cringe internally when he sees a tear run down her cheek.

Pope is still standing in the doorway, he can’t tear his eyes away from the scene and he still has his finger pointed at JJ.

John B does not betray any emotions, starting to apply the ointment on his friend's purple torso.

( _Even though JJ knows him better enough to read his mind_.)

The blond closes his eyes as cold fingers press on his bruises and although JB is gentle he can't help but gasp and flinch every time he touches him.

“Did Luke do that?” he repeats, in a trembling voice.

“Nope. Not him or a Kook, this time.” he says, popping the ‘ _p_ ’ “But I won't lie to you guys, I saw it coming. I knew that the man was going to snap sooner or later. It was just a matter of time.” he admits, letting out a laugh.

Time stops for a moment, as if he wanted to give everyone enough time to comprehend what he was really saying.

Comprehend, understand and _deduce_.

This last phase hits like a bomb.

Pope lowers his arm and when he speaks you can hardly hear him between John B's angry breathing and Kie's sobbing.

“Did Shoupe do that?”

_JJ doesn’t trust Shoupe, because he’s just like his father to him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if you liked it (if you want).   
> All the comments and kudos are appreciated. Thank you so much.
> 
> Hopefully I didn’t lose any of you guys, I promise the next chapter will be published soon.


	5. you might end up in the lion’s den, but you don’t go there on purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-daaa.
> 
> The final chapter.
> 
> Big thanks to NoheaAloha as always, ‘cause if this story is alive is also her merit.  
> Go and check out her stories if you haven’t already.

_"You might end up in the lion den, but you don't go there on purpose."_

_He's in the back of Kie's car, his ribs hurt so much that he thinks that if he stopped breathing maybe it would be better._

_(Even if that thought scares him.)_

_(Even if he doesn't know that in two days that thought will colonize his mind until it goes so far that he gives into temptation.)_

_The girl turns, her long hair surrounding her face distorted with anger. Maybe even a little disgust._

_But a different anger than the one that hollowed out his father’s eyes when he said those same words for the first time._

-

“Where is JJ?”

Kie asks cheerfully, hopping into the Chateau and swinging the two shopping bags she was holding.

“I brought the beer and some of the sea bream left over from dinner with my parents.”

She says, placing everything on the kitchen table and looking around curiously.

“Where is JJ? This place is way too quiet without his hyperactive ass.” she asks again, looking at Pope.

“Ah don't ask me! John B? Have you seen him? I thought he stayed with you after work.”

“Mh-mh.” the boy replies, shaking his head. “He said he had to go get some things _from home_. He would join us as soon as he finished.”

The air around them seemed to freeze for a second. Pope and Kie stood still while John B continued to tidy up the house.

He was obviously tense too, even though he tried not to show it.

As if his two best friends weren't able to see the shaking in his hands as he picks up one of JJ's sweatshirts from the floor and throws it in the closet along with a bunch of other clothes.

(These are normal reactions, when you just let your best friend go into the lion’s den.)

“So Kie, did you say you brought some food?” says John B out of nowhere.

He hates this whole situation. As if worrying about JJ could somehow change something.

“Y-yes, I-”

“Oh perfect, I haven't eaten anything decent since yesterday morning. My stomach has been crying ever since. Let's see what we have here.”

“John B, when did you say he was coming back?”

Pope tries to be indifferent.

(He was always the smartest of them all.)

He takes the fish from John B's hands and puts it in the oven, wanders around the kitchen setting the table.

He turns on the TV and turns up the volume, trying to erase the silence JJ has left.

“So?” he glances at John B, before returning to focus on useless things like opening the fridge to see what was inside.

“I don't know, he said he would be back when he was done. Finished... doing whatever he had to do.”

“Oh well, then it should be here any minute, right? Right Kie?” he says nonchalantly, trying to awaken the girl from the kind of coma she had been in since she learned that JJ had go home.

“Guys, don't you think it's better if-”

“You know he doesn't want us to.” snaps John B.

He is not angry. But the anxiety from that situation is putting him to the test.

“I know but-”

“No buts, Kie. If JJ says _no_ then it's _no_. Why can't you have a little respect? We never came to get you out of the house when your parents were punishing you.”

He whirls around, with each word he gets closer and closer to the girl. A finger pointing at her until he's close enough to touch her shoulder.

(Deep down he knows it's not the right thing, but he doesn't understand what the right thing to do is.)

( _You could go to his house, John B. Go to his house and see if he's okay. Just like that.)_

_(You could break your promise, betraying his trust. Just like that.)_

“How can you even think of comparing the two, John B? It's Luke Maybank we're talking about, how can you think it's safe to leave JJ with that _monster_?”

She spits out the last word like it’s the worst insult of all.

Because for Kie this is Luke Maybank. The _monster_ under the bed she feared as a child. The drunk man wandering around the island her father told her to stay away from.

_The father of his best friend._

“Okay okay, let's all chill out, alright? It's JJ we're talking about, not a damsel in distress. He'll be fine but-”

“How do you know?” Kiara's voice comes out higher than normal. She’s on edge.

“-But if not, we’ll go to his house. If he’s not here by midnight, we’ll go. His dad won't be home at that time, right John B?”

“Mh.” He nods yes. His internal fight over the right thing to do isn’t over yet and Pope's words do not reassure him at all.

But he can't show it or Kie would breakdown at any moment.

“Okey, midnight then. Although I’m sure by then JJ will be passed out drunk on the couch.” John B tries to joke, pretending that Pope’s found the solution to the problem and from then on everything will be fine.

“If you say so, guys.”

_They say animals are able to smell when their babies are in danger even if they are far away._

_It's a kind of sixth sense, a connection between parent and child that goes beyond the simple laws of animal biology._

_Maybe that was what Kiara, Pope and John B were smelling._

_It is always a mistake not to follow your sixth sense, no matter what._

-

“What, you come in like a thief now? You don’t even say hi to your old man?”

JJ freezes as soon as he hears his father's voice.

( _God, did he really think he could avoid him? How stupid_.)

Luke wasn't wrong, actually. JJ had walked around the house and entered through his bedroom window. The plan was to go home, carefully avoiding Luke, grab some clothes and go back to John B’s in less than half an hour.

That plan had obviously gone to hell.

( _Ah well, not that everything JJ did didn’t go to hell_.)

The boy remains motionless for a few seconds, bending over to take a shirt and put it in his backpack.

“Dad-”

“Is that how you fucking do now? Go missing for a week-” two, but actually JJ didn't really expect him to notice. He never did. “-and then you sneak back in? What are you trying to steal from me, huh?”

Luke takes a step towards the boy and JJ can't hold back a flinch. His father's hand grabs his hair, tugging at it until he arches his neck.

“What are you trying to steal from me? Don’t you think you’ve ruined my life enough already, boy?”

Their faces are close and JJ can smell cheap rum on his breath.

( _Oh, it's going to be a wonderful night for him_.)

JJ grabs his father's wrist, the man’s hand still in his hair.

( _Come on, stick your fingernails into his wrist until his capillaries are cut. Grab his arm and twist it until he lets go. Punch him, break his nose and then bang his head against the floor until he faints.)_

_(Show him who really is the strongest, show him he can't control you.)_

_(Do as you would with Rafe, with Topper.)_

“Dad let go. Please. You’re hurting me.”

“Ah, just like your mother.” he says, throwing him against the wall. His hand pulls his hair and it feels like the skin is peeling off.

“Now you will also start complaining like her? What a pussy.”

A fist hits his cheek and black spots begin to bloom on the side of his sight.

A punch hits his stomach and he feels the air coming out of his lungs. He leans forward, his father's hand letting go of his hair.

He does it because he loves the way he bends to his violence and JJ uses it to catch his breath. But his lungs burn and he doesn't have time to prepare before another fist hits his stomach.

The boy falls to the ground, short of breath and it seems that the air is made of flames.

“Stand up boy, be a man for once.”

And _oh, JJ would like to_ , if he didn't feel his legs would give out if he tried.

But Luke has always been a generous man, so when he sees that his son has no intention of getting up off the ground, he wraps a hand around his neck and lift him up.

The boy gasps, searching for air, but both of his father’s hands don’t seem to want to let him go.

( _Ah, he already feels the bruise on his neck. It will be a mess to explain to his boss tomorrow.)_

_(Kie is going to make a scene for sure.)_

_(John B will look at him with those empty eyes that make him feel out of breath.)_

“You steal from supermarkets and get taken in. You steal from some rich guy and get thrown into juvie. Now you’re gonna steal from me, you son of a bitch?”

He screams the last sentence, but JJ hears everything octave and his vision begins to blur. His hands stop squeezing his father's wrists and his arms fall alongside his body.

(The idea that maybe this time his dad will not stop squeezing runs through his mind.)

( _He almost wants to laugh for a second when he thinks about his father in front of his coffin.)_

_(Would you cry, Dad? Or would you congratulate yourself on finally getting rid of me.)_

“P-ple...ase. I didn’t-” the words are hard to get out, his throat burns but finally, after what seems like centuries, his father lets go.

He falls to the ground on his knees, while the air enters his lungs and it _hurts like hell_. He coughs as tears sting his eyes.

He doesn’t look at his father, but he knows that he’s towering over him, pleased to see him so weak. In pain. Subdued to his strength.

( _He reminds him of Shoupe.)_

_(He reminds him of Carl.)_

He is still on his knees with one hand on his neck, when his father knocks him to the ground with a kick.

( _It's almost more humiliating than getting choked, because that gesture is the same as getting a dog out of the way_.)

From that moment on, everything is confused in JJ's memory.

He remembers the pain, the screams of his father and his kicks.

He remembers the sound of a broken rib and the scream that escaped his lips, promptly silenced by his father's fist.

He remembers seeing his father's eyes as he lowered to strain his neck once more. They were empty and he thinks he will see them forever in his nightmares.

He remembers the sound of the door slamming and his father's car as he drives off.

He remembers throwing up on himself because he didn't have enough strength to get up and go to the bathroom. He had thrown up blood, he remembers this well because for a second he thought that one of his broken ribs had pierced his stomach.

_Then he remembers the dark._

_Then white lights._

-

_10.00_

_..._

_10.30_

_..._

_11.00_

_..._

_11.30_

_..._

_12.00_

Now even John B can’t hold back his agitation any longer, his hyperactivity taking over.

Every single fibre in his body, every neural link is screaming at him to go to JJ.

Pope is the quieter one, but everyone knows it's just a facade. His eyes dart to the door every time the wind makes it seem like someone was knocking.

No one had touched Kiara's sea bream, which was now chilling on plates cut into small pieces by the girl's nervous fork.

When Big John's pendulum clock rings twelve times, everyone gets up from the sofa without a word.

The journey is silent.

Kie drives because John B is too upset to do it. He can't control his knee, which keeps bouncing against his will.

At least it is the only noise that fills the space and no one complains about it.

The Maybank house is deep in The Cut, just before the start of the woods. The first thing they notice is the lights on in the house. The second is that Luke's car isn’t around.

This is not good news.

John B jumps out of the vehicle before Kie even turns off the engine. The other two run after him as the boy opens the door with more force than necessary.

They find him in his bedroom, in a pool of blood and vomit.

Kie lets out a little cry as Pope approaches the boy lying on the ground. He’s passed out, but still alive.

( _Pope would have never in a million years thought that he would be in this situation, checking the pulse of his best friend.)_

_(John B knows better.)_

-

JJ stays in the hospital for three days.

He has three broken ribs and a concussion. Plus a whole series of bruises and cuts. The fact that he nearly died of asphyxiation twice didn't help and the doctor explained something to him about the blood or the oxygen or both not getting to the brain but JJ, in all honesty, doesn't give a shit.

As soon as he woke up the Pogues were around him and the blond had never been more ashamed of himself in his entire life.

John B spews out a series of excuses, how they were worried about him and a bunch of other bullshit but the only thing JJ can think of is that they had come to his house.

(They walked into your house and saw you for the pussy you really are.)

( _They walked into your house and saw you for the pussy you really are.)_

_(Congratulations JJ.)_

He can’t get the image out of his head of his three best friends finding him in his most vulnerable moment. The idea that they may have seen him the same way that Shoupe sees him makes him nauseous.

Did they think he let his dad beat him up like he is his personal punchbag?

( _Well, in the end that's who you are. Right JJ? Right._ )

On the second day, a policeman came and asked him a lot of questions.

Usual things, of course, and JJ had learned in second grade how to answer.

“Who hit you?”

“Dunno, I didn’t seen his face.”

“Where were you?”

“Dunno.”

“How did you get home?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Was it your father who hit you?”

“Oh no, my dad _loves_ me. He would _never_ lay a finger on me.” he exclaims sarcastically, putting a hand over his heart, as if he were hurt by the accusations.

He can't hold back a laugh as he says it. He knows perfectly well that the cop knows the truth and all that drama amuses him, in a twisted way.

“Do you know that if you want you can ask social services to help you?” His tone remains flat, though. He mustn’t have liked the joke.

“No thanks, I'm fine.”

The cop was so bored and annoyed by the whole thing that the idea of JJ cooperating to help cover up all that mess made him a little less upset.

He obviously knows that all the answers JJ is giving him are part of a script he has learned by heart. But he certainly doesn't want to have anything to do with the Maybanks.

And it’s not like it can change anything anyway.

Just before the morphine took effect, JJ overhears Kiara arguing with the cop who had just questioned him.

“How can you believe it wasn't his father who beat him up?”

“Listen, girl. The boy said his old man didn't do it so that's what's going on the record.”

“But you know! You know and you do nothing at all.”

The man rolled his eyes and left.

On the third day, the social worker arrives.

JJ rolls his eyes as soon as he sees her.

Middle-aged woman, blue suit and a stack of papers in her hand. The look of someone who has a lot of things to do that day and ‘ _John Jasper Maybank_ ’ is just one name among many. Not a human being.

But JJ is used to it so when she begins to list all the reasons why he should report the person who beat him (below in a less subliminal way ' _your father_ ') he begins with all the necessary reassurances.

“Just know that we have a whole file on you. If someone calls us one more time, _it won't be that easy for you to get out of it._ ”

These are the last words of the social worker, before she turns and heads for the exit.

JJ would like to get out of bed and scream.

(“ _It won't be that easy for you to get out of it.”_ )

As if he had committed a crime. As if he hadn't simply tried to safeguard what little dignity he had left.

He’s just trying to bring a bit of stability back into his life, why doesn't anyone want to understand?

Doesn’t she think he would also like to get out of the shitty situation that is _Luke Maybank?_

_Doesn’t she know that he’s also aware of the fact that, no, he most likely won’t get out next time because his dad might really kill him?_

But no, he's just a troubled boy. He’s JJ Maybank, who gets into trouble and has to create a fuss about everything he does.

Don't they think that he too would like to be able to go home and not be afraid that at any moment his father could snap and beat him to death?

Do they think it's easy for him, just because he’s been practicing his fake smile that he sells to everyone to explain the bruises since he was seven?

But he doesn't say anything, he just nods as he watches the woman walk away.

-

His father comes to pick him up at the hospital and take him home.

Kie and Pope aren’t there, locked in the house to study for their final exams.

Only John B is with him in front of the entrance, waiting for his dad. He can't hold back a grimace of disgust when he sees Luke's SUV pull up to the sidewalk.

“Get in the car, boy. You've already made me waste too much time.”

JJ hears his friend beside him take a breath and move a step towards his father, but the blond snaps a look at him.

He knows that he will be able to count on John B’s remorse for going to his house and breaking his promise for awhile, so the boy closes his mouth and just looks at Luke.

If looks could kill, his father would have died right there. In that instant amidst atrocious suffering.

The car ride was smooth. He knows that after what happened, his father won't lift a finger to him for at least a week. He can't help but tremble every time his father reaches out to change gear.

“You know, social services came to the hospital.” he says hesitantly. “They said the next time they call, they might as well take your custody away.”

( _Don't worry. Keep calm. He won’t beat you up right now_.)

Luke whirls around and JJ bangs his head against the window to back away.

“Why? Did you snitch?”

“No.”

( _No, of course you didn't. Despite everything, you could never do it_.)

“Good boy. _You might end up in the lion den, but you don't go there on purpose_. And anyway, don't expect someone to lift a finger to help you, just keep that in your stupid head. In this world, you have to do everything yourself.”

Oh, this JJ has known for a while.

He looks out the window, while images from his memory superimpose on those of the surrounding landscape.

-

_The next day the sheriff shows up at his house and Luke shuts the door in her face almost immediately._

_(Almost, because Peterkin has time to see a blond boy huddled on the ground, with a fresh tear running down his purplish cheek.)_

_Do you trust Peterkin?_

_-_

_“Come on. He can't be that bad, can he? Maybe it’ll be the time that someone can finally put you back in line, punk. Huh? But deep down everyone knows where you’re from, with a deadbeat dad and a mother like that. You can never be anything other than a fucking criminal.”_

_You know where I’m from_

_-_

_“Okey, fuck. I- I stole ‘cause I have nothing. I’m broke, I don't have a job and I barely have a home._

_“My dad suddenly decided that I'm not worthy enough to actually give me food. Please._

_“I didn't mean any harm. I was just hungry as fuck. I'm begging you. I just wanted to eat something. Please.”_

_“This is not our problem, boy. Get rich like the Camerons and then maybe we'll give a fuck about your personal problems. In the meantime, you’ll go to juvie.” Shoupe says, before exiting the room, closely followed by the Sheriff._

_You are like a little rock in my shoe. I shake my foot, I think I’ve gotten it out. And DANG. There it is again._

_-_

_He tastes blood in his mouth and feels Shoupe grunt something with each blow but JJ can't understand what he’s saying._

_He doesn't stop when he lets out groans of pain, curled up in a fetal position in the center of the cold cell floor._

_He doesn't stop when he hears the sound of a cracking rib._

_He doesn't stop when JJ doesn't even have the strength to keep his_ _arms raised to cover his face from the blows. When he drops them, exposing himself._

_Like a doll with empty and dead eyes that look far away, staring at nothing._

_Did Shoupe do that?_

_-_

_“Was it your father who hit you?”_

_“No, my father loves me. He would never lay a finger on me.” he exclaims sarcastically, putting a hand over his heart, as if he were hurt by the accusations._

_He can't hold back a laugh as he says it. He knows perfectly well that the cop knows the truth and all that drama amuses him, in a twisted way._

_“Do you know that if you want you can ask social services to help you?” His tone remains flat, though. He mustn’t have liked the joke._

_You might end up in the lion’s den, but you don’t go there on purpose._

_JJ doesn’t trust the police. For a lot of different reasons._

**The end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave a comment or a kudos, if you want!  
> I really appreciate all of them!
> 
> Thanks everybody, I’m gonna miss y’all. Thanks for sticking with me :‘)
> 
> *the author wipes away a tear*

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it. Let me know in the comments or leave a kudos, if you want. Thank you so much.  
> The title is from the $uicide Boy$ song.  
> The summary is from “The Dark Knight” by Christopher Nolan.


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